I just went and visited a new mom from my Ward here in Pullman and it brought me back and made me remember just how Thankful I am for my little Matthew. We all talked about our delivery stories, it is like being part of a club, because now I have a delivery story and this whole new understanding of what other people go through. Before I had Matthew I did not fully grasp what it meant to have a baby, When I was 8 I had seen a baby born. Still I don't think it is an experience that you can witness and understand, it is something that until you go through it is still a mystery. I am thankful for the opportunity that I had to have Matthew. I learned so much about myself in my 8 hours of labor, I learned how strong I can be. I also learned that I am really good at censoring my language even when in extreme pain, I learned that I deal with pain very internally, I don't want to talk to anyone when I am in pain, but I don't like to be alone either. Mostly I learned that I can follow through with a decision. I had decided that I didn't want to have an epidural and even when i was in so much pain and just wanted it to go away, the logical part of me was still in tack and I remembered why I made my decision, and that no matter how much it hurt, it would be over soon enough. I just kept telling myself that I could do it, that I was strong enough. I keep thinking back to this experience and I am grateful because I was really there for my child's birth, I felt like I really experienced it, it is hard to put into words, but it means the world to me that I was able to experience labor and delivery in its entirety. I really hope that next time around it will be entirely natural, that they will not have to induce labor. I would really like to have a natural birth experience.
Now that I have finished reliving that wonderful experience, the real topic that I wanted to talk about was the 4 months since Matthew was born. Being a new mom is a much more challenging experience than I thought it would be. I'm not sure why I thought it would just be a breeze, I pictured this as being a smooth transition, that I would adjust and just love the whole thing. I didn't take into account that I would get no sleep for the first 36 hours of his life, for some reason I thought the hospital would want new moms to sleep. Funny huh? I also didn't think about the fact that because I was breastfeeding that in the beginning just going to the store was hard, and you had to time it just right because the baby would be hungry again. I really just didn't grasp what it meant to have a new born. I think I expected an infant, not a newborn, I am really loving being a mom now that Matthew is older. The last month has been wonderful! Don't get me wrong I have loved that little boy the whole time, but that doesn't make the experience any easier. It was not that hard really, it just pushed me to the breaking point more than I have ever been before.In the last month Matthew has learned to sleep through the night! What a blessing that is. We learned a new swaddling technique and he sleeps like a charm. If you look up "miracle swaddle blanket" on you tube it shows the basic process. Only we didn't buy that blanket we use a thin receiving blanket and then a normal blanket. Then we went through 3 days of crying it out. Now that boy sleeps like a charm most nights. He is ready for bed between 7:30 and 8;30 most night and sleeps until 4 or 5 am and then eats and goes back to sleep until 8:30am! I love being able to sleep again! He also has learned in the last month to play with us more, and he is smiling more. Chris and Matthew make noises back and forth to each other, it is really cool to watch because Chris will make a noise and then Matthew tries so hard to do the same thing, a lot of times he is smiling and can't do it because he is smiling but it is so much fun! I am writing a book today so I will end it here. Basically I am so Thankful to be a Mommy, I am thankful for the past 4 months it has been so wonderful, challenging but wonderful, and I would not trade it for anything. I love Matthew and my Husband! Chris has been the best Daddy and so supportive to me. I would have gone crazy without him! I have so much to be Thankful for this holiday season. It just makes me smile :)