So I have been going back and forth as to whether or not to post about this topic, on one hand it is very personal and I don't really enjoy talking about it. On the other it is part of life and I have many friends and acquaintances who at some point may go through this also, I think it helps to know that you are not alone, and so here it goes.
Wednesday May 11th I had a miscarriage, now mind you I didn't know I was pregnant, and I have never had a miscarriage before so I was very confused. I called the doctor that evening and asked what could be going on and he asked if I was pregnant and I told him that I didn't think so, but I have a very irregular cycle and things happen so you never know. He sent me to the store to get a home pregnancy test, which I did and it was positive so then he sent me to the hospital to have a blood test done, which also confirmed the pregnancy. Now I knew for sure that I had a miscarriage. They did an ultrasound to make sure that it was not an ectopic pregnancy or anything like that which would need to be addressed immediately. Everything in the ultrasound looked alright, just lots of blood which is fairly normal from what I understand. The doctor ordered one more blood test in 2 weeks to make sure the HCG Levels are continuing to decrease. I never even went in and saw a doctor for this event which seems weird to me, but as long as my body clears everything out I don't really need to.
So that is the nuts and bolts of everything, emotionally I am handling it great. I think it helps a ton that I had no idea I was pregnant, I would have been 2-3 months along (about 10-11 weeks), which seems crazy that I would not have figured it out by then. I kept making comments about how I felt pregnant, and now we can look back and point out all the signs, but we never thought I was because last time it took so long to get pregnant, and we were not even trying this time.I am thankful that I didn't know, because there would have been an emotional bond already forming and I believe it would have been much harder emotionally. As it stands right now I can look at the whole situation logically and be thankful that my body knew that the baby would not survive and be healthy, sometimes it just happens. When I think we could have been having another baby I get sad, however when I think about the fact that if I had not miscarried that child would have had a very hard life if it even lived long enough to be born, and I am thankful that I do not have to go through that trial right now.
I really felt like I needed to share this because these things happen and they are hard to go through and they are sad, but they are a necessary part of life. I feel that other people need to know that they are not alone and it is nothing to be ashamed of, the majority of the time there is nothing that can be done to prevent them, and you can go on to have more healthy children after the fact. Heavenly Father knows what he is doing and we need to trust that he has a plan for us and our families.
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